If you would like to be featured in an upcoming column, please fill out the online form.

Name: Khalida

What do you do to relax? I love to spend quality time with my family and friends.

What else would you like to tell us about yourself? I have three beautiful children. In 2006 my middle son was diagnosed with autism. The journey has been a learning experience for our family and we continue to grow and develop each day. We try to participate in community events and gatherings but always put our son’s needs first. We are open about our son's diagnosis and willing to help anyone new to autism.

Are you an active member of Connecting for Kids?
I look forward to serving in the Parent Match Program at Connecting for Kids. My hope is to help families within our Cleveland community.

If I could go back in time and talk to myself the day we got the diagnosis what would you say? I would say that there is no quick fix. This is a journey for life. As stated by President Obama, " Progress is not a straight line." Once I got the diagnosis, I was searching for ways to help my son, but it wasn't until later that I realized that each child has different needs and each child will develop in his own way. As a parent, my job is to love and nurture that child every day.

What do you worry about the most?
I worry about preparing my son for survival in this tough world. As a parent I want to protect my son but the reality is that I have to help him learn to live in this world. I am his advocate, but I wonder whether I am doing enough.

In which area have you grown the most?
My son's diagnosis has helped me become a better person. My son has shown me that you don't always need words to show love.

Do you have any go-to resources that we can share with other parents?
I believe connecting with other parents of children with special needs is the best resource. There is an immediate bond. You can share stories and experiences that only a parent of a child with special needs would understand. I have laughed and cried with these parents because only they can truly understand my feelings.

Is there anything about your journey that you would like to share with other parents?
When my son was first diagnosed I was always looking to "cure" him of his autism. I tried many different therapies, essential oils, diets, etc. I would be heartbroken when he would not show progress. However, things improved only when I realized that autism is part of his identity and it is my task to help him navigate through life with this diagnosis.

Save Save

 

Q: "My son doesn't get invited to birthday parties or asked on play dates with his peers. Should I be concerned?"

A: There is no reason for concern. Many times, due to time, financial, or space constraints, every child in the class may not be invited for every birthday celebration. As children get older, they also may express preferences to celebrate with a smaller group of friends that they share similar interests with on a daily basis.

If your child appears upset, talk with your child, and explain that the friend may have been limited on the number of people they were able to invite to this particular party, and that there will be other opportunities to spend time with the friend at a later date. Also explain to your child that there will be many opportunities to be invited to events and celebrations in the future by other friends or family members. You can brainstorm together about other fun events coming up on a later date that your child will attend (the idea is to give the child something positive to look forward to). You and your child can also think of a time to invite one friend—or a few friends— for a playdate or special outing. This will give your child additional opportunities to build fun, positive social relationships with peers. (There is a great Psychology Today online post by Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., Growing Friendships: Children’s Play Date Guidelines, that offers helpful tips for planning successful playdates.)

If there is concern about a deeper question—the level and quality of social interaction your child has with peers—start by talking with your child’s teacher. Find out whether the teacher shares similar concerns about your child’s peer interaction behaviors in the school setting (remember, they see lots of kids interacting with one another consistently on a daily basis). If, after talking with the teacher, you both see a pattern of concern, it may be helpful to consult with a psychologist or therapist for further exploration of additional questions.

Joe Little, President
The Five Horizons Foundation

I’d like to tell you about an app called First Then Visual Schedule HD (FTVS HD). The cost is $15 and it is available today in the app store. This app is best used for anyone who would benefit from a visual schedule, social story, choice board, or video models. What I love about the app is that it is not only easy to use, but it also works across multiple platforms including your iPhone and iPad.

It’s also great because it is so easily customized. Need a choice scenario for milk or juice? Quickly snap a pic of each right from your own refrigerator so it’s accurate right down to the brand. You can also record your own voice, or your child’s voice right in the app to make it even more immersive.

There are many visual schedule apps available but this one is the best I’ve come across. You can try it before you buy it by checking out the iPad at the Westlake Porter Library for free. If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out to me!

Rebecca Shook
Special Needs Resources Librarian
Westlake Porter Public Library

Routines and predictability are often the cornerstone of a successful school year but social situations can be difficult. “Make Social Learning Stick! How to Guide and Nurture Social Competence Through Everyday Routines and Activities” by Elizabeth A. Sautter is a resource for families and schools to help children navigate social situations when often the hidden rules are at least as important as the stated ones. The book includes many tips and tricks for finding teachable moments in your child's day for all sorts of social situations like playing at the playground, meal times, during transitions and even celebrating holidays like Thanksgiving. See the collection by searching “Connecting for Kids” in our catalog at www.westlakelibrary.org.

If you would like to be featured in an upcoming column, please fill out the online form.

Name: Erin

Number of Children: 2 children

Do you work outside the home? Yes.

What do you do to relax?
Spend time with friends, watch TV with the girls, and garden.

What benefits has Connecting for Kids brought to you and your family?
Connecting for Kids has educated us about local resources, and given us a caring and compassionate perspective regarding supporting our children, ourselves, and each other through unanticipated and difficult circumstances. I am feeling less isolated since finding the organization.

Which have been your favorite Connecting for Kids resources?
I love the Facebook Chat Group. I also recall Sarah Rintamaki calling me the day I signed up and being so inquisitive and reassuring. She has introduced us to other families in similar places in life and this has been a true gift.

What is the best thing about parenting a child who struggles? It allows you to learn what you're made of and how flexible you can be. I was a "because I said so" mom to my older, typical daughter. This is how I was raised, and it worked (or has so far and we are approaching 13!). She is an amazingly kind, smart, respectful kid. When my younger daughter came along everything turned upside down and I felt completely out of control because things weren't working "my way."

At 4 she was diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder and I was feeling like a very unsuccessful parent. I then learned to better understand what was setting her off, where the anxiety was coming from and that she wasn't being obstinate but needed a different approach from me. This was not indulging poor behavior but supporting her in making better choices and interacting more successfully with others.

Her dad picked up the new parenting approach right away so naturally. It was humbling to observe her interactions with him and learn how to parent my own child from the therapists’ with whom she worked, but our relationship is so amazing now. She is so sweet and brutally honest. I can't imagine life without her.

What do you worry about the most? I worry about my child's safety. She is so trusting and still can't interpret people's true motivation. I fear daily that she could be easy prey for any person with poor intentions, whether a peer or an adult. When the Bay Village Ice Bucket Challenge fiasco occurred, my heart broke into a million pieces, it was my worst nightmare coming true on national television from my own backyard.

I look at her at age 8 and wonder if she will go to college, have a boyfriend or live on her own. Part of me believes that she is capable and the other part of me wants to hold her hand through her whole life because she is so vulnerable. What I worry about the most is the world not caring about her as much as I do, and anyone ever taking advantage of her sweet, innocent heart.

If you could go back in time and talk to yourself the day you got the diagnosis, what would you say? I would say that once she has the communication skills, things will get better. There used to be so much yelling and screaming in our world. Now she might frown or stomp but she will talk through the issue and generally will listen to reason and this has made all the difference. Sometimes now we understand that what we thought the problem was has nothing to do with her objection.

Is there anything else about your journey that you would like to share with other parents? Your journey is unique to your family. It was not likely what you expected when you started out, but you will learn that there are special and profound joys to come. Connecting for Kids is a great resource for supporting your whole family.

Save

Q:“My child has a meltdown each day when he arrives home from school.  Do you have some suggestions that can help us avoid these tantrums and make our house peaceful again?”

A: This is a great question. Meltdowns and tantrums are not uncommon in childhood and usually stem from the child’s inability to control his/her own emotions. Preschoolers and older kids are more likely to use tantrums to get their way if they've learned that this behavior works. One of the most important things you can do as a parent is to remain calm when the tantrum occurs.  Try not to react. It’s recommended to avoid tantrum triggers if they can be identified.

There are many possible reasons for the tantrum. It’s conceivable that your child may have some difficulty in transitioning from one environment to another, misses his friends, or is tired and hungry. The first thing I would recommend when your child comes home is to isolate him. It is completely appropriate to send him to his room for a few minutes to calm down. Make sure the room is cool, quiet, and dark as the goal is to reduce stimulation to regulate sensory input.

When he is calm, offer a snack and drink and ask him how his day was in a quiet environment (be cautious of background noises for inadvertent stimulation). Be clear and empathetic in your words, reinforcing the calm behavior, not the tantrum. See if you can determine the trigger through gentle questioning. Contact your child’s teacher and explain his behaviors, asking the teacher if other incidents occur at school or if changes in behavior are noted. A communication book between you and the teacher is a great way to communicate about daily changes. The notebook can be kept in the child’s backpack to transfer back and forth during each school day. Some children excel with more structure and routine and need advanced notice of changes in order to prepare for the transition. Enlist your child’s teacher for help. The bottom line - don’t give in to the meltdown. Try to determine the reason for the meltdown in order to help your child regain control.

Visit Mercy Lorain at http://www.mercyonline.org.